Being a single dad

Daddy Dearest...

I guess if you’re reading this and you are a single dad then it would be fair to say that you will be finding life more than a little challenging. The statistics would indicate that in the UK there are over 200,000 men raising children on their own. So, the first thing to know is you are not alone. The second thing to appreciate is that the majority of us will have arrived in this position either through an unusually complicated and painful divorce or separation or by an untimely bereavement. It’s a double whammy – we almost all embark upon single parenthood at a time of life when we (and our children) will be at an emotional low point.

If you are anything like the many men who make contact through www.onlydads.org, then you may have evenings at home, alone, where you realise that your child caring, cooking, and housework tolerance levels have been exceeded. If you stop and think a little bit more, you may begin to realise that your job, social life and finances are all in need of a serious make-over too. Such feelings are normal for most lone parents, but especially single dads.

So where to go for support? I have found that friends and family can come into their own, when it comes to supporting single dads and their children.

I recommend to all single dads that try their very best to build up a circle of friends who understand their story and background and the pressures they face. It sounds obvious, but we still do come across single dads who try and do it all on their own, and then become increasingly isolated. And remember that much help can come from others too.

GPs are a really source of help. Establishing a good rapport with your Doctor is useful work – they can act as a signpost to all sorts of useful agencies able to help and support you and your family.

Many single parents (especially of young children) find that they cannot work and look after the children. Juggling work and family life is a focal point of pressure for single dads. Most Job Centres now have Lone Parent Advisors now. They can help you know what financial help you may be entitled too should you need to stop working or move over to a part-time role. Contact www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk for further information.

I am often asked what advice I would give to other single dads. My answer invariably suggests something to the effect that if you are faced with a big decision (work, moving house, a new relationship), then no harm will come if you put your children’s interests at the centre of the thought process.

Oh, and don’t be too hard on yourself. Let’s face it, we are men after all, and may not have been born with all the patience and nurturing capabilities that we probably need!